The Morty and Helen Show

In the past, I've blogged about visits from my Seinfeldian parents and the work involved in preparing for their arrival, such as stocking up on eight different brands of high fiber cereal and making sure there's a tissue box at least every four feet throughout the house. But I've never told you about the tech support phone calls from my dad as he tries to save documents on his thumb drive so he can have access to them during his visit. Herewith a transcription of this morning's conversation ...

DAD: I want to save some computer documents on that thumbstick matchstick thumbdrive and I forgot how to do it.
ME: Are these Word documents?
DAD: Yes.
ME: Are you sure?
DAD: Word documents, yes.
ME: Okay, is the thumb drive in your computer?
DAD: Yes.
ME: Is the first document open?
DAD: Yes.
ME: And it's definitely a Word document?
DAD: Yes.
ME: Okay, it's easy. Just click file on the upper left.
DAD: File?
ME: File.
DAD: I see it!
ME: When you click it, you should see save and then save as. Click save as.
DAD: It doesn't say save as.
ME: Yes it does.
DAD: It doesn't.
ME: Are you sure you're in Word?
DAD: What do you mean in Word?
ME: You said it's a Word document and it's open. That means you should be in the Word program.
DAD: I'm not.
ME: You're not in Word? But you said the document is open.
DAD: It is.
ME: How could you open a Word document and not be in Word?
DAD: I don't understand.
ME: How do you normally open a document? Do you go through My Documents or do you open Word first?
DAD: I don't know what you mean. When I open Word, all I get is a blank page.
ME: Let's start all over. And are you sure it's a Word document?
DAD: Yes, it's a Word document.
MOM: (in background) It's not a Word document!
DAD: It's not?
MOM: No!
ME: Dad, I asked you ten times if it was a Word document.
DAD: I thought you were asking if it's in My Documents.
ME: Just tell me what's on your screen in front of you.
DAD: Marilyn, she wants to know what's on the screen.
MOM: (in background) I'm in My Documents.
DAD: We're in My Documents.
ME: Okay, highlight the document you want to copy.
DAD: Highlight it?
ME: Just click on it.
MOM: (in background) Tell her it's highlighted.
DAD: It's highlighted.
ME: Okay, on the left you should see a menu that includes the word copy. Click on that.
DAD: Marilyn, click on copy.
MOM: (in background) Where is it?
DAD: How should I know?
ME: Dad?
MOM: (in background) What am I supposed to click on?
ME: Dad?
DAD: I think it's right there.
MOM: (in background) Where?
DAD: There.
ME: Dad?
MOM: (in background) This?
ME: DAD!!!!!!!!!
DAD: What?
ME: Let me talk to Mom!

Anyway, it went on from there. I'd transcribe the rest of it, but I have to go out and buy more bran flakes.