Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A perv by any other name ...

I have a site meter on this blog, which allows me to (compulsively) check and see where visitors are clicking in from. The stats are usually predictable and depressing. Most of my visitors are men (yes, I'm making a sexist leap) doing a Google image search on Eva Mendes. I don't like to think about what they're doing after they click on the photo of her I once posted in a GCC Does Hollywood blog entry. The Internet is a disgusting place.

But the other day I noticed a curious pattern. People from all over Europe were clicking directly into the entry I posted about accidentally spilling nail polish remover. The referring site was a German discussion forum. I don't want to give the name of it, but it had the word "brace" in it, which didn't mean much to me. After all, the whole site is in German, so I couldn't make heads or tails (Köpfe oder Endstücke?) of it.

I should have shrugged and moved on, but curiosity got the better of me. Why was a German site linking to my blog? Why were people from all over the Continent following the link?

I tried to figure out how to to use the site's search engine so I could at least find the link, but you need to be a member.

So I registered.

Alas, I still couldn't figure out how to find the link to my site. But I did a Google search to try to learn more about it and guess what I discovered?

It's a discussion forum for cast and brace fetishists! And it's linked to my blog! Perverts from all over the globe are reading about the day I spilled nail polish remover in my private parts!!

And now I am an official member of their community.

Worse yet? In thinking about it, I realize that there is a sexy scene about a cast in SECRET CONFESSIONS OF THE APPLEWOOD PTA. So it's entirely possible I have a small cult following among these fetishists. And indeed, my German Amazon ranking spiked the day all those Europeans were reading about my nail polish remover mishap.

Perhaps I should just be grateful for the sales. I don't know. But the next time I do a book talk and someone tells me to break a leg, I'm going to give them a dirty look.


Myfanwy Collins said...

oh nooo!! HAHAHA! Sorry for this, Ellen, but you really made me laugh!!!

Lisa McMann said...

OMG, Ellen, you are often hilarious but this one takes the küchen.


k1tchenwitch said...

THIS is a riot!!! Cast and brace fetishes, I had no idea there was any such thing!

Dave Diotalevi said...

OK, Ellen--you got us to buy into WHY you're a card-carrying member of Frau Bracelet Fantasies...errr...I mean--whatever they call it! LOL!

Dave Diotalevi
author of MIRACLE MYX

RobinSlick said...

That is hilarious.

And yep, I know what you mean. I made the mistake of a blog post about the time Julie and I went to New York and how good it is that we know where all the most beautiful and accessible bathrooms are because I mentioned "we had to p** fast so we headed to Saks Fifth Avenue".

Three Days has some bathroom jokes in it and also mentions Saks.

Sadly, now it appears I have a g*lden sh*wer/we like to p** in Saks Fifth Avenue following because the same people visit, and type in the same words, and then they click on my Amazon link. Woo hoo.

And notice I'm using asteriks even in your comments because Google picks those up, too.

Blueskyjen said...

Too funny! Look on the bright side - you can always get a date while in Europe. How does one develop a fetich for such?

Don Capone said...

Is it too late to work in a "sexy scene with a cast" in the new book? Gotta give the people what they want.

Jordan E. Rosenfeld said...

This is a fabulous story, Ellen. Every novelist needs her own sect of fetishists!!


Witney said...

Yeah. I have a 'blog, and most people only visit it to check out the sexy "Tin Woman" costume I jokingly put at the top of my essay on "The Wizard of Oz."