SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB By Maggie Marr

I'm so excited to welcome Maggie Marr to the Girlfriends' Cyber Circuit! She's not only a sweetheart, but a hell of an entertaining writer. SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB is the sequel to her much-loved HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB, and if you're looking for a fun read, you've just found it. In fact, if you have a book club and want a glam alternative to the usual fare, please give this one careful consideration. I think you'll love it.

Here's the press release summary:

Maggie Marr’s first novel, Hollywood Girls Club, introduced us to four fabulous Hollywood heavyweights and best friends - Jessica, Celeste, Lydia, and Mary Anne. Now, in SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB (Crown, April 15, 2008), these high-powered women take on a new challenge-the Hollywood rumor mill. Those who fell in love with Marr’s witty writing and fast-paced plot will be eager to dive into this sequel which delves even deeper into the glamorous, treacherous Hollywood lifestyle.

Although she is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood, Celeste is wondering how long she can maintain her success. With age creeping up and body parts sagging down, how will she maintain her “It Girl” status? Mary Anne, recently back in LA after a breakup in London, is helping to write Lydia’s latest movie called The Sexual Being. Of course, her bigger challenge will be avoiding her old flame, Holden Humphrey, who happens to be starring in it

Lydia has recently started receiving mysterious notes that seem to be hinting toward a secret she’s kept buried for years. Not only that, Jessica, uber-agent to the stars and recent new mom, has just told Lydia that somebody has gotten their hands on a very compromising DVD that Celeste made with her ex-husband—how will she protect her friend (and the top earner for her production company)? Meanwhile, publicist Kiki Dee has gotten her hands on some of these secrets and is willing to do almost anything to keep her spot at the top of the Hollywood PR machine. Will the Hollywood Girls Club discover the source of the threats? Will Celeste give in to the Hollywood machine and undergo plastic surgery? Will Mary Anne and Holden find happiness with each other? And with so much going on, will Lydia’s latest movie ever be completed?

SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB is a spot-on insider’s look at an industry where those at the top of their game must do anything to keep from being brought down.

If you're wondering how Maggie has such an insider's take on Hollywood, check out her bio:

Maggie Marr is a writer and producer for Six Mile Ridge Productions and Dahooma Productions. She began her Hollywood career as a motion picture literary agent at ICM Talent Agency in Los Angeles, where she represented writers, directors, and actors. She worked with Owen Wilson, Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, and Reese Witherspoon, and was involved in big-name projects including The Rule of Four, He's Just Not That Into You, Charlie's Angels, Austin Powers, Meet The Parents, Wedding Crashers, and Something's Gotta Give. Prior to becoming an agent, Margaret was an attorney, having received her JD from Loyola University in Chicago. She recently completed the television pilot Daughters, and is currently developing a pilot with Mandeville Productions as well as producing two films for Dahooma that begin lensing this year.

Intimidated? I am! Still, this lawyer/agent/powerhouse was a good enough sport to play along with my little GCC-Does-Hollywood game, and agreed to list her dream cast for this book.

Celeste Solange starlet: Jessica Biehl (although she’s a little too young)

Mary Anne Meyers screenplay writer: Bridget Moynihan

Lydia Albright Studio Executive: Kirstie Alley or Jada Pinkett Smith

Jessica Caulfield Fox Producer: Carla Gugino

SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB is at bookstores everywhere. If you prefer to buy online, you can visit Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com or any cyber bookseller. For more information, visit Maggie's website at maggiemarr.com.

My Monkey Face

And other creepy transformations ...

Me as a monkey.


Me as a manga.


This is supposed to be a teenaged version of my features.


A Botticelli version.


This is me as a man, and this one freaks me out most of all because it's exactly what my brother looks like. (Or would look like if he wore eye makeup.)

This is the actual picture I plugged into the transformation software.

Now go do this with your own face and let me know how it turns out:
http://www.faceofthefuture.org.uk/

Have fun!

1000 Librarians

Being a writer is a crazy roller coaster of highs and lows, from the I-can't-believe-I'm-living-my-dream days to the I-totally-suck-and-will-never-sell-another-book days.

Yesterday was one of the high days. Maybe the highest so far. I had the honor of being the keynote speaker at the Long Island Library Association's annual conference. I loved having the opportunity to address such a large crowd at such a prestigious event. Best of all, this was an audience of 1000 dedicated book lovers. What more could an author ask for?

This is not to say I wasn't nervous before the event, but I gave myself the pep talk I've been mastering these past two years. That is, I reminded myself that this is part of my dream, and letting nerves get the better of me would be squandering valuable currency indeed. So I decided to just have fun with it ... and I did.



I opened with a couple of quick jokes, and then spoke about the genesis of both Secret Confessions of the Applewood PTA and The Smart One, with an emphasis on why I chose to set the books on Long Island. Then I did a Q&A with the audience, and of course such an educated group had astute questions. I loved it!

Audience at keynote address

Afterward, the feedback I got was hugely gratifying. Also, I was surprised to learn that last year's keynote speaker was Susan Isaacs. I always seem to follow in her footsteps without knowing it. But more on that another time.

Huge thanks to Tracy Van Dyne and all the folks at the Long Island Library Association for inviting me. And a shout-out to librarians in Nassau County, Suffolk County and everywhere. You are my heroes.

Welcome to Family Fun Night

My 10-year-old daughter recently announced that we should institute something called Family Fun Night, which means that one night a week a particular member of the family gets to decide what we all do together for fun.

Tonight was my middle son's night to choose. He picked our local ice cream parlor, one of those places that mixes toppings into the ice cream for you. So off we went, and ... the store was gone. Vanished. Another business was in its place.

Sometimes living in a densely populated place like Long Island has its advantages, though, as there was a similar ice cream parlor just a few miles away. So we drove over and ... also out of business.

Not to be deterred, we drove to yet another mix-in-the-toppings ice cream parlor. If you've already guessed that this one was closed, too, you're one step ahead of me.

At this point, we could have gone to Carvel or Baskin Robbins, but the boy wanted Friendly's, which this grinch of a mother had been refusing to do, despite the catchy jingle, because the service was so notoriously awful a couple decades ago. On this night I relented, hoping that the management had learned a thing or two over the last twenty years.

So okay, the service was pretty decent. Until the end of the meal, my only complaint was the volume of the place. Conversation during our Family Fun Night went something like this:

"Should I have the double scoop ice cream cone or the make-your-own sundae?"

"What?"

"Should I have the double scoop ice cream cone or the make-your-own sundae?"

"What?"

"I think she wants to know where the bathroom is."

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

Toward the end of the meal, my 16-year-old excused himself for the bathroom, and I was feeling pretty pleased overall. We'd only had to wait a few minutes for a table, the goodies were yummy and, best of all, we were leaving. Peace and quiet awaited me.

When my son got back from the restroom, he looked at the completely cleared table and I saw panic in his eyes. Immediately, I knew what had happened.

"My God, you put your retainer in a napkin, didn't you?"

That he heard.

We ran to the back and asked to look through the trash, but were told that customers were not allowed in that area. They'd look through it, they promised, but it could take a while.

It was getting late, and tables around us were clearing. As human bodies left the crowded restaurant, the place got colder and colder. I heard one young boy say to his mom, "We have to leave."

"Why?" she asked.

"I'm as cold as snow!"

Pretty soon, my whole family was as cold as snow. Still, we waited.

After more time passed, the waitress came out and told us to leave our phone number so we could go home. "We'll call you if we find it."

"No!" my husband said. "We're staying."

Alas, I knew he was right. If we left, they'd have no incentive to look. We were staying put, holding onto our check.

Another half an hour passed. My children were turning blue. At last the manager came out and kindly explained that they had looked through all the bus baskets and hadn't found it. We were crestfallen.

"There is one thing I can do," he said.

"What's that?"

"I can let you take home the garbage."

You have to know how Family Fun Night ended, don't you? In the backyard with flashlights and rubber gloves, looking through the biggest, smelliest, wettest, goopiest, most disgusting pile of garbage imaginable. I don't think my sinuses will ever be completely clear of the smell. It wasn't even something we could do at a safe arm's distance. The retainer in question is two small pieces of clear plastic, kind of like those Invisalign Braces. That meant that every soggy napkin and hamburger bun had to be squeezed and inspected.

The conversation went something like this:

"Ew."

"Ick."

"Pew."

"I'm going to throw up."

"Ugh."

"This is gross."

"Why does it smell so bad?"

"I have to vomit."

"No you don't!"

And then, after about forty minutes ...

"I found it!!!!!!!"

Yup, we actually found the retainer. A Family Fun Night miracle!

Now we have to think of something just as spectacular for next week. Anybody have a cesspool that needs a good scrubbing?

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GETTING AWAY IS DEADLY By Sara Rosett

Today I'm happy to blog about GCC author extraordinaire, Sara Rosett. She's a wonderful writer and a great sport who agreed to have a little fun with my GCC-Does-Hollywood blog program.

The latest in Sara's much-loved Mom Zone Mysteries is GETTING AWAY IS DEADLY, and here's how she'd pitch it to our fictional movie producer:

Air Force wife and professional organizer Ellie Avery goes to Washington, D.C., expecting some r&r while her pilot husband attends classes—but it’s Ellie who gets a deadly lesson when this getaway turns out to be murder.

Sara doesn't necessarily visualize actors portraying her characters, but she gave it a go ...


Ellie: Sandra Bullock—she’d be able to pull off the seriousness and the humor.

Mitch (Ellie’s husband): Val Kilmer—loved him in The Saint


Livvy (Ellie’s daughter): don’t know any actor this young—Livvy’s only 20 months old! (Editor's note: May I suggest ... my niece?)

Abby (Ellie’s best friend): Kelly Ripa has the right blend of enthusiasm and the tendency to say exactly what’s on her mind, but Abby’s more of a full figured gal with dark, curly hair.

Summer (Ellie’s cousin who gets involved in a murder investigation): Emma Roberts is a little young, but I think she could be the flighty college student who changes majors as quickly as some girls change their shoes.


Vicki Archer: After seeing Laura Linney in The Nanny Diaries, I know she could play this calculating, career-focused lobbyist. (Editor's note: I'm pretty sure Laura Linney could play just about anything.)

Jay MacInally: Since Jay is a Korean veteran turned consultant, I’d want someone like Jerry Orbach. He had the worn, fatherly personality that personifies Jay. (Editor's note: LOVED Jerry Orbach! In his stead, may I suggest William H. Macy?)

If all this fun doesn't convince you that this a book worth reading (or buying for someone for Mother's Day), please check out this amazing review from Publishers Weekly:

In Rosett's sparkling third Mom Zone mystery (after 2007's Staying Home Is a Killer), air force wife Ellie Avery tags along with her husband, Mitch, while he's attending a FROT (Foreign Reciprocity Officer Training) class in Washington, D.C. Ellie is ready for some tourist R & R, but while on a sightseeing trip with other air force wives she sees someone who looks like her sister-in-law, Summer Avery, push a man off the Metro platform. The victim turns out to be Jorge Dominguez, a sinister gardener who happens to have been stalking Summer, making her a prime suspect in his murder. Vickie Archer, who runs the Women's Advancement Center where Summer works, also knew Jorge. When, at Summer's suggestion, Ellie redoes the Archer daughter's messy bedroom for Mom Magazine, Ellie finds a major clue and becomes a moving target for the real killer. Rosett skillfully interweaves a subplot about a Korean war veteran recovering his memory and provides practical travel tips from Ellie's organizational Web site, Everything in Its Place. (Apr.) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

To buy GETTING AWAY IS DEADLY, visit your favorite chain or independent bookstore. To purchase online, visit Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com or any cyber bookseller. For more information, visit Sara's website at sararosett.com.

Book club recommendations

The other day I had the pleasure of meeting with another local book club that had read THE SMART ONE and, as always, had a blast. A big shout-out that Long Island group and to all the readers who made THE SMART ONE such a popular book club choice. It's a thrill to know you enjoyed reading about the three sisters--Bev, Clare and Joey--and discussing their journey. (Click here to read an excerpt, click here to read a review.)

If your book club hasn't yet discussed it, please know that I'm available for phone-in appearances, which are always so much fun. To sign up, click here to fill out the form, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. (If you're local, drop me a line and I'll try to visit in person.) To see discussion questions, click here.




Here are some other novels I think your book club will love ...

Allison Winn Scotch's book, THE DEPARTMENT OF LOST AND FOUND, is now available in paperback. If you ever thought the topic the breast cancer couldn't be handled with as much humor as poignancy, you should read this novel. The critics at Booklist said, "Scotch handles the topic of cancer with humor and hope, never dipping into the maudlin. The changes and realizations that the characters make are profound and moving. An impressive debut." You can read more reviews here.

Rebecca Flowers' stupendous debut, NICE TO COME HOME TO, is now in bookstores. I had a pleasure getting my hands on an advance review copy of this book, and it knocked me out. Sister stories are near and dear to my heart, and this is truly one of the best. I hope this book gets the attention it deserves. Click here to read an excerpt.

I mentioned Alice Hoffman's newest novel, THE THIRD ANGEL, in my previous blog entry, but I didn't want to miss this chance to recommend it for book clubs. It's a multi-generational story about three flawed and fascinating women with a tendency to self-destruct. It's richly constructed and beautifully told, and I loved every page. If you want to read what the critics are saying, click here.

Author Brunch Recap

Today was the LIWA Author Brunch at Hofstra. In addition to being thrilled and honored to interview Alice Hoffman about her new book, THE THIRD ANGEL, I was excited to hear Larry Davidson interview Eric Van Lustbader and Victoria Lustbader. Larry was a terrifically colorful interviewer. Eric was so wry he could have a second career as a stand-up comic, and Victoria was utterly disarming in her candor. Fantastic!


Eric Van Lustbader, Victoria Lustbader and Larry Davidson

I got to see a proof for the cover of Eric's forthcoming FIRST DAUGHTER (Forge 8/08), and it looks astounding. (It's on my wishlist.) I already read Victoria's amazing debut, HIDDEN, which is now out in paperback, and am looking forward to her next one, STONE CREEK (Harper 5/08).


It was good to see old friends and new ones at this event. My bud, Carol Hoenig, was there. She's wasn't promoting anything, but she's a wonderful writer and if you haven't read WITHOUT GRACE, I highly recommend it. If you're an author, you should also check out her Guide to PLANNING BOOK EVENTS. Carol's a pro and has tons of valuable info.

I was very excited to meet my newest writer friend, Long Island homey Saralee Rosenberg. I had just read the ARC for her forthcoming novel, DEAR NEIGHBOR, DROP DEAD, which I was more than happy to blurb, as it's rare to find a book that's so funny and yet has so much heart.

Big thanks to the friends who came, to everyone who introduced themselves, and to the gals from the Hofstra bookstore. A major shout-out to award-winning journalist Debbi Honorof for putting this event together. She astounds me.

Here are some shots Carol got while Alice and I were chatting ...

As you probably know, writers are my rock stars. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to meet Alice and find that in addition to being one of our most talented contemporary authors, she's kind, generous and down-to-earth. She made me feel like we were old friends.

That said, I hope you'll rush out and buy THE THIRD ANGEL not because I like Alice Hoffman so much, but because you'll love the book. USA Today sure did.

MIDORI BY MOONLIGHT By Wendy Nelson Tokunaga

It's Girlfriends Cyber Circuit time! And I'm happy to be blogging about the feisty, funny MIDORI BY MOONLIGHT by Wendy Nelson Tokunaga. Here's the press release description:

MIDORI BY MOONLIGHT is a comic, cross-cultural novel, out now, that has a mouth-watering pastry theme running through it that makes many a reader either head to the kitchen to start baking or just make a beeline to the nearest cake shop.

What happens when a young woman, fresh from Japan and too independent for Japanese society, finds herself suddenly lost in translation in San Francisco as she searches for her American Dream and the perfect dessert?

Wendy Nelson Tokunaga answers this question and more in her poignant comic novel, MIDORI BY MOONLIGHT, where we meet thirty-year-old Midori Saito, whose dream seems about to come true. A strong independent streak has always made her feel like a stranger in a strange land in her native Japan, but now she’s embarking on a new life in San Francisco. She’s about to marry Kevin, the perfect American man—six feet tall, with curly hair the color of marmalade. Unlike a Japanese guy who’d demand she be a housewife, Kevin doesn’t mind if Midori follows her dream of becoming a master pastry chef. Her life is turning out as exquisitely as a Caramelized Apple Tart with Crème Fraiche, until Kevin dumps her at their engagement party in favor of his blond, ex-fiancée, whom Midori never even knew existed.

Now Midori is not only on her own—with just a smattering of fractured English in her repertoire—she’s entered the U.S. on a fiancée visa that will expire in sixty days. Unable to face the humiliation of telling her parents she’s been dumped, and not wanting to give up on her American dream, Midori realizes she’s “up the creek without a saddle.” Her only hope is new acquaintance Shinji, 30, who long ago escaped Japan after a family tragedy, is a successful San Francisco graphic artist and amateur moon gazer, and who lets her share his apartment as a platonic roommate.

Soon Midori finds herself working at an under-the-table hostess job at an unsavory Japanese karaoke bar, making (and eating) way too many desserts, meeting a charming and handsome chef with his own restaurant who may be too good to be true, and trying to uncover the secret behind a mysterious bar hostess who looks strangely familiar. But Midori’s willing to endure almost anything to hang on to her American dream, and she just might find that the love she’s been searching for far and wide is a whole lot closer than she thinks.

"Poignant comic novel" sounds right up my alley, so I was glad to see glowing praise from from critics and fellow authors. Here are some samples:

“Tokunaga depicts Midori's determination to create her own version of the American dream with exuberance [in this] delectably frothy debut.” – Publisher’s Weekly

“Tokunaga suffuses the book with warmth and lightness. . .Just as the right dessert hits the spot, reading this delicious slice of escapism makes for a perfect afternoon. But instead of suffering a sugar crash afterward, you'll muse for days about the characters you've left behind and why they matter so much to you.”—San Francisco Chronicle

“[Midori by Moonlight] draws upon vivid imagery when defining traits of Japanese culture and really hits the nail on the head when depicting some American attitudes toward others.... witty and charming."—Charleston Gazette

“A surprisingly pleasurable read.”—Daily Yomiuri

“Midori is endearing, feisty, and funny: the novel is a delight.” – Ellen Sussman, editor of Bad Girls and author of On a Night Like This

“A delightful fusion of East meeting West, as if Banana Yoshimoto and Meg Cabot got together to create a romantic comedy.” - Lauren Baratz-Logsted, author of Vertigo

You can buy MIDORI BY MOONLIGHT at your favorite chain or independent bookstore. To buy online, visit Amazon, Barnes & Noble or any cyber bookseller. For more information, visit Wendy's website at wendynelsontokunaga.com.

____________

REMINDER: Tomorrow (Sunday) is the LIWA Author Brunch at the Hofstra University Club. You can register at the door. Click here for driving directions.

Time Deficit

When your schedule is so crushing you don't have time to lift your head, it's easy to forget about the rest of the world. But today I took a few minutes to peruse The New York Times and realized that the time crunch I'm experiencing is a nationwide epidemic. But more on that in a minute.

Last weekend was my middle son's bar mitzvah. I would compare the planning to a rocket launch, only if I announced, "Houston, we have a problem," there'd be no mission control to respond back. I had to man every station myself. Okay, so I didn't have to learn a haftorah. But I honestly think my son had the easier job. (Which isn't to say I'm not proud of him. He performed so magnificently he surprised even me, and that's saying a lot. There are stars in these eyes.)

I thought my schedule would open wide after the bar mitzvah, but I haven't had a second to catch my breath. This Sunday I'm interviewing Alice Hoffman live at the LIWA Author Brunch at the Hofstra University Club. That meant dropping everything to read the ARC of her magnificent new book, THE THIRD ANGEL, so that I could prepare for the interview. I needed to rush through that task because I promised another writer a blurb for her book, and she needs it pronto. In the midst of all this, the page proofs for my next book, THE SMART ONE, landed on my doorstep. Of course, my publisher wants me to read it immediately and send it back.

While juggling all of the above, I had to find time for another event. Last night I did a book talk at the Junior League of Long Island. Of course, I had to do a bit of prep for the appearance, but mostly this was a lovely reprieve. I was honored to be asked and had a great time. The Junior League is an incredible organization, made up of women volunteers who give their time for the benefit of needy women and children in their community. I was very impressed with the kindness and intelligence of this group.

And guess what else? They gave me flowers! No one's ever given me a bouquet for a book talk before, and I was genuinely touched. Look how pretty they are!
A special shout-out of thanks to Tracy, Grace and the rest of the remarkable group!

Meanwhile, I'm typing this as fast as I can so I can get on with the thousand or so things I have to do with the rest of my day. But I don't want to sign off without mentioning what it was that surprised me in the newspaper this morning. It was about last night's Idol Gives Back. If you saw it, you no doubt noticed that the show was jam-packed with a star-studded cast of performers. What you didn't see, however, was a single presidential candidate, despite the fact that Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain all taped fundraising pleas for the show. None made the final cut.

American Idol did not have time for the future President of the United States.

And to think, I feel guilty about ignoring my laundry ...

World Autism Awareness Day

An organization called Autism Speaks has designated April 2 World Autism Awareness Day. For those of us who love someone with autism, it's an important opportunity to spread the word about this often devastating disorder.

According to the website:

Autism is a complex brain disorder that inhibits a person's ability to communicate and develop social relationships, and is often accompanied by extreme behavioral challenges. Autism spectrum disorders are diagnosed in one in 150 children in the United States, affecting four times as many boys as girls. The diagnosis of autism has increased tenfold in the last decade. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have called autism a national public health crisis whose cause and cure remain unknown.

For more information, visit autismspeaks.org.

To read a fictional story based on a mother's real life emotional response, click here.

Not an April Fool's joke

Curious for your thoughts on this ...

(Special shout out to my buddy Maryanne Stahl for this video.)

NOVELIST STRIKE!

Sorry I've been such an absent blogger lately. With my middle one's bar mitzvah less than (gulp) 2 weeks away, I don't have a second to breathe.

Besides, there's this whole novelist's strike going on. I'm sure you're aware of it, as it's wreaked such havoc on the economy and all, but if you need more info click here.

(Shout out to novelist Roger Morris for the link.)

And the winner is ...

HUGE thanks to everyone who entered the drawing for a copy of the six-word memoir book, NOT QUITE WHAT I WAS PLANNING. The winner of the blind drawing is Bridgette, my lucky 13th responder. Congrats, Bridgette!

I loved reading all the six-word memoirs posted in the comments section, and got a kick out of seeing which memoir people thought was mine. If you guessed E, Not as blond as I look, you were correct!

Here's who wrote the others:

Took scenic route, got in late. -- William Blythe
Inside suburban mom beats urban heart. -- Julie Goss
Lucky in love, unlucky in metabolism. -- Leah Weathersby
Secret of life: marry an Italian. -- Nora Ephron
Quietly cultivating my inner Lynda Carter. -- Joanna Sheehan

Thanks again for playing!

Announcement

I'm honored to announce that I've been asked to be the keynote speaker at the Long Island Library Conference this year, which will be attended by 1000 library personnel ... my kind of crowd. Click here for more information.

In other news, note that the winner of the six-word memoir drawing will be chosen and announced on Monday. (Scroll down to enter.)

Do not adjust your set

Yesterday I discovered that my blog skin was no longer viewable on Firefox, and so I reverted to one of the blogger templates, which I customized a bit. I couldn't make it match my website, so I made it complement my HarperCollins page.

If it's not readable on your browser, please let me know. Thanks!

Your life in 6 words?

One of the following 6-word memoirs is mine:

A. Took scenic route, got in late.

B. Inside suburban mom beats urban heart.

C. Lucky in love, unlucky in metabolism.

D. Secret of life: marry an Italian.

E. Not as blond as I look.

F. Quietly cultivating my inner Lynda Carter.

Some months ago, a friend sent me a link to a site asking writers to submit their life story ... in exactly 6 words. Seemed like a fun challenge, and so I did it.

I later found out that Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser of Smith Magazine put their favorites together and published a collection called NOT QUITE WHAT I WAS PLANNING: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. Mine made the cut and can be found on page 136.

I have to say, the book is an absolute delight, and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. To celebrate, I'm doing a drawing to give away a copy, and would love to see you win. To enter, all you have to do is a post a comment to this blog entry with either:

Your own 6-word memoir
or
Your guess as to which of the above memoirs is mine
If you like, you can do both. Keep in mind, this is a drawing not a contest. So your answer doesn't have to be the best or correct. Everyone who responds will be automatically entered in the drawing.

Btw, if you're cyber-challenged and have never posted a blog comment before, no worries. Just click the word "comments" (or "post a comment") below and the rest is self-explanatory. Just be sure to include your name or email address so I can contact you if you win.

Good luck!

A perv by any other name ...

I have a site meter on this blog, which allows me to (compulsively) check and see where visitors are clicking in from. The stats are usually predictable and depressing. Most of my visitors are men (yes, I'm making a sexist leap) doing a Google image search on Eva Mendes. I don't like to think about what they're doing after they click on the photo of her I once posted in a GCC Does Hollywood blog entry. The Internet is a disgusting place.

But the other day I noticed a curious pattern. People from all over Europe were clicking directly into the entry I posted about accidentally spilling nail polish remover. The referring site was a German discussion forum. I don't want to give the name of it, but it had the word "brace" in it, which didn't mean much to me. After all, the whole site is in German, so I couldn't make heads or tails (Köpfe oder Endstücke?) of it.

I should have shrugged and moved on, but curiosity got the better of me. Why was a German site linking to my blog? Why were people from all over the Continent following the link?

I tried to figure out how to to use the site's search engine so I could at least find the link, but you need to be a member.

So I registered.

Alas, I still couldn't figure out how to find the link to my site. But I did a Google search to try to learn more about it and guess what I discovered?

It's a discussion forum for cast and brace fetishists! And it's linked to my blog! Perverts from all over the globe are reading about the day I spilled nail polish remover in my private parts!!

And now I am an official member of their community.

Worse yet? In thinking about it, I realize that there is a sexy scene about a cast in SECRET CONFESSIONS OF THE APPLEWOOD PTA. So it's entirely possible I have a small cult following among these fetishists. And indeed, my German Amazon ranking spiked the day all those Europeans were reading about my nail polish remover mishap.

Perhaps I should just be grateful for the sales. I don't know. But the next time I do a book talk and someone tells me to break a leg, I'm going to give them a dirty look.

SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER By Jenny Gardiner

Today I'm happy to blog about a fun new book by GCC author Jenny Gardiner. It's called SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER, and it's getting tons of attention. Author Meg Cabot called it "A cross between Erma Bombeck and Candace Bushnell." And MamaLit called it "The 'Bridget Jones Diary' for all married and harried mommies!"



Jenny was a great sport and agreed to play along with the GCC Does Hollywood game, and here's how she'd pitch the book to our fictional producer:

Every married in America will relate to disgruntled housewife Claire Doolittle. Find me 20 women whose husbands don't have a hint of Ward Cleaver to them. Women will leave this movie laughing, crying, telling their girlfriends about it. And their marriages somewhat rejuvenated.

And here's how Jenny would consider casting it ...

I need a real actress to play Claire--can't be one of those impossibly thin, plasticized starlet types. Bonnie Hunt would be good but she might be a little too old. I think Kate Winslet would be good, maybe Laura Linney if she could make it funny enough.

For Jack, perhaps Matt Damon? He's still got something sexy about him but he's definitely got a bit of Ward-ishness to him as well. LOL.

I hope you'll look for SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER the next time you visit your favorite chain or independent bookstore. To buy online, visit Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powells or any cyber bookseller. For more information, visit Jenny's website at jennygardiner.net.

The Morty and Helen Show

In the past, I've blogged about visits from my Seinfeldian parents and the work involved in preparing for their arrival, such as stocking up on eight different brands of high fiber cereal and making sure there's a tissue box at least every four feet throughout the house. But I've never told you about the tech support phone calls from my dad as he tries to save documents on his thumb drive so he can have access to them during his visit. Herewith a transcription of this morning's conversation ...

DAD: I want to save some computer documents on that thumbstick matchstick thumbdrive and I forgot how to do it.
ME: Are these Word documents?
DAD: Yes.
ME: Are you sure?
DAD: Word documents, yes.
ME: Okay, is the thumb drive in your computer?
DAD: Yes.
ME: Is the first document open?
DAD: Yes.
ME: And it's definitely a Word document?
DAD: Yes.
ME: Okay, it's easy. Just click file on the upper left.
DAD: File?
ME: File.
DAD: I see it!
ME: When you click it, you should see save and then save as. Click save as.
DAD: It doesn't say save as.
ME: Yes it does.
DAD: It doesn't.
ME: Are you sure you're in Word?
DAD: What do you mean in Word?
ME: You said it's a Word document and it's open. That means you should be in the Word program.
DAD: I'm not.
ME: You're not in Word? But you said the document is open.
DAD: It is.
ME: How could you open a Word document and not be in Word?
DAD: I don't understand.
ME: How do you normally open a document? Do you go through My Documents or do you open Word first?
DAD: I don't know what you mean. When I open Word, all I get is a blank page.
ME: Let's start all over. And are you sure it's a Word document?
DAD: Yes, it's a Word document.
MOM: (in background) It's not a Word document!
DAD: It's not?
MOM: No!
ME: Dad, I asked you ten times if it was a Word document.
DAD: I thought you were asking if it's in My Documents.
ME: Just tell me what's on your screen in front of you.
DAD: Marilyn, she wants to know what's on the screen.
MOM: (in background) I'm in My Documents.
DAD: We're in My Documents.
ME: Okay, highlight the document you want to copy.
DAD: Highlight it?
ME: Just click on it.
MOM: (in background) Tell her it's highlighted.
DAD: It's highlighted.
ME: Okay, on the left you should see a menu that includes the word copy. Click on that.
DAD: Marilyn, click on copy.
MOM: (in background) Where is it?
DAD: How should I know?
ME: Dad?
MOM: (in background) What am I supposed to click on?
ME: Dad?
DAD: I think it's right there.
MOM: (in background) Where?
DAD: There.
ME: Dad?
MOM: (in background) This?
ME: DAD!!!!!!!!!
DAD: What?
ME: Let me talk to Mom!

Anyway, it went on from there. I'd transcribe the rest of it, but I have to go out and buy more bran flakes.