Thursday, December 19, 2019

How to Say Goodbye to Fern

In 2002, I lost my best friend, Fern Meyerowitz. In 2005, I tried to write about my grief, but found I could only do it in second person. The essay was published in an ezine called Flashquake, which is now defunct and offline. Since the piece no longer accessible, I'm pasting it in below to preserve it.

How to Say Goodbye to Fern

by Ellen Meister

1. Be there to answer the phone when her husband calls to say Fern has had enough and will be going home to take hospice care. Say "I understand" when he explains that it was her decision. Say it again when he tells you that if you are going to pray for her, please do not pray for her to get well. Pray for her to die quickly.

2. Light a candle and do as you are told. Ask God to take her quickly. Do not wish for a miracle.

3. When her husband calls again to say come now if you want to say good-bye, do not cry on the phone. Wait until you hang up. Then fall to your knees and wail in selfish abandon. She was your best friend. You are too young for her to die.

4. Say okay when your husband insists on going with you. Understand he wants to say good-bye, too. And also, he doesn't want you driving alone like this. He is afraid you are so distraught you will wrap the car around a tree, leaving him and the children all alone. For a terrible moment, resent Fern for having the freedom to die without leaving anyone motherless.

5. Rest your face against the cool glass of the window and say nothing when your husband reaches over and squeezes your hand.

6. Try not to panic when you see other cars in front of her house, even though you thought you would have her to yourself.

7. Sit limply at her bedside with the others, smelling death. Notice that she is lucid, but her eyes are already dead. Be patient as you wait for someone to understand that you are her oldest friend and have the greatest claim. When no one speaks up, make the announcement yourself; ask them to leave you alone with her for a few minutes.

8. When she turns to you and says, "What do you want to ask me?" go blank. Tell her you just want her to know how much you love her. When she answers, "You were everything," let yourself weep and weep and weep.

9. Later, agree with your husband when he says it is silly to cancel the trip; she could hang on for weeks. But know in your heart that your cellphone will ring while you are in Disneyworld.

10. Then, when it happens, on a recklessly sunny day just as you are climbing into a ferryboat to Magic Kingdom, thank the caller for letting you know. You will be the only one crying on the boat, but soon you will stop. You have forever to mourn your friend. Today you will go to Pirates of the Caribbean.

Monday, January 07, 2019

Are You a JAP (Jewish American Princess) Poster

This blog has been dormant for years, but I wanted to be sure I put this image out there into cyber space, in case anyone else on planet Earth has been on the hunt for this thing and needs to know that it really exists.

I first saw this ARE YOU A JAP  (Jewish American Princess) poster in high school, but had a hard time finding anyone else who remembered it. And I searched the internet for it for years and years, without even finding a reference to it. I was beginning to think I had imagined the whole thing. But now it's my possession, thanks to a certain Google wizard and a generous benefactor. I am overjoyed!




Monday, May 28, 2018

Memorial Day 2018

The most patriotic way we can honor our fallen heroes is to protest racism, injustice and tyranny.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Why I'm Marching

I am marching because women's rights are human rights.
I am marching because we will have a sexual predator in the White House.
I am marching because we must protect Roe v. Wade.
I am marching because without Planned Parenthood, women will die.
I am marching because we must protect the health of ALL Americans.
I am marching because climate change threatens every living thing on earth.
I am marching for civil rights.
I am marching for LGBT rights.
I am marching for immigrant rights.
I am marching for voting rights.
I am marching for religious rights.
I am marching because we have an administration that cares only about the rich.
I am marching for the poor.
I am marching for the middle class.
I am marching for the sick.
I am marching for the hungry.
I am marching because we have an administration so regressive it doesn't believe in science.
I am marching because the Tea Party is the American Taliban.
I am marching because we elected a con man who ran a campaign based on hatred, fear, scapegoating and lies.
I am marching because he is evil and dangerous.
I am marching because his closest advisor is a white nationalist.
I am marching because he will sell us out to line his own pockets.
I am marching because he is a lying racist who led the birther movement.
I am marching because he is a thief and a narcissist and a bully.
I am marching because the VP-elect tried to force women to bury or cremate their miscarried or aborted fetuses.
I am marching because the VP-elect supports conversion therapy.
I am marching because the Russians hijacked the election.
I am marching because Russia has him over a barrel.
I am marching because 11 days before the election, James Comey interfered, effectively killed Hillary's chance of winning.
I am marching because of gerrymandering.
I am marching because of voter suppression.
I am marching because Citizens United is anti-American.
I am marching because of what he said about Carly Fiorina's face.
I am marching because of what he said about Hillary Clinton's behind.
I am marching because he slut-shamed and fat-shamed Miss Universe.
I am marching because he said Megyn Kelly had blood coming out of her wherever.
I am marching because he's a pussy grabber.
I am marching because he imitated a disabled reporter.
I am marching because he doesn't believe in the free press.
I am marching for NATO.
I am marching for the ACA.
I am marching for Obama's legacy.
I am marching for peace.
I am marching because Hillary won the popular vote.
I am marching because I am a mother.
I am marching because I am a patriot.
I am marching because I am a woman.


Stay safe, everyone.

Sunday, July 03, 2016

Summer Reading for Dorothy Parker Fans

The ghost of Dorothy Parker in the twenty-first century ...

"Meister skillfully translates the rapier-like wit of the Algonquin Round Table to modern-day New York." -Publishers Weekly

"Meister's Dorothy Parker is just as sharp, witty and pleasantly mean as fans would expect. Her humanity shines through, though, along with her humor." -Kirkus Reviews




DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at AMAZON

DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at B&N

DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at BAM

DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at INDIEBOUND

DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at WALMART






FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER at AMAZON

FAREWELL DOROTHY PARKER at B&N

FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER at BAM

FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER at INDIEBOUND

FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER at WALMART





These titles are also available in audiobook and all ebook formats.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Dorothy Parker Flash Sale

Amazon and Barnes & Noble have just put my Dorothy Parker books on sale. In my experience, these sale prices tend to disappear in a flash, so you if you're interested, don't wait ...






DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at AMAZON

DOROTHY PARKER DRANK HERE at B&N












FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER at AMAZON

FAREWELL DOROTHY PARKER at B&N

Friday, February 26, 2016

Interview with Joyce Maynard

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing one of my favorite authors, Joyce Maynard, for Long Island Woman. Joyce and I spoke about her wonderful new book, Under the Influence.

Please click here to read the interview. Thanks!

Thursday, December 03, 2015

Love from the interwebs ...



Now that Dorothy Parker Drank Here is available in paperback, it's garnering some renewed attention from the bloggers and other websites. Here are some of my favorite recent reviews.

From Red Carpet Crash
'Dorothy Parker Drank Here’ May Be The Book Of The Year
"Dorothy Parker is a Dame! She smokes, drinks, has a mouth on her like a sailor and flirts like there’s no tomorrow. And she is Dead! ... A really terrific read."
Read more.

From Constantly Reading Momma
"I’m giving Dorothy Parker Drank Here five (yes FIVE) stars. So much fun, lots of heart, well written, and engrossing. The characters are perfect and real (even the ‘ghost’ of Parker), and the story resonates. I think this would make a fun movie, and it’s a great book club pick!!! Get it now, and read it over the long Christmas break when you’re stuck with your family!!!"
Read more.

From BookPleasures:
"Great characters make this unusual novel compelling. What makes it unusual is that the characters are both dead and alive...Meister has the language of literary pretentiousness and bon mots of personalities down pat."
Read more.

From Mrs. Dalloway's Bookstore
"If you love Dorothy Parker, imagine her ghost haunting the Algonquin Hotel, frightening the guests and ordering cocktails from the staff. In Meister’s witty novel, Parker encounters a cast of characters, including a curmudgeonly old writer and an eager young television producer, each with their own crazy agenda. A fun ride great for fans of Jonathan Tropper or Maria Semple."
Read more.

From Books and Movies and Stuff
"As in 'Farewell, Dorothy Parker,' Ms. Meister shows an encyclopedic knowledge of Dorothy Parker’s wit. Even when not using one of Mrs. Parker’s direct quotes, the author has a firm, hilarious command of what she would say, and how she would say it."
Read more

From A Midwife Life
"The author has crafted a masterpiece containing deep, complex characters that you will be happy you discovered. Not one to be missed!"
Read more

From Journey of a Bookseller
"The ending was different from what I expected and I liked it. This one is well worth a read ...rip roarin' good fun."
Read more

From It's About the Book
"An original story line and characters that will delight and captivate ... Meister works magic as a storyteller, able to weave together the multiple lines of this story into a luminous whole with a beautiful message. Sharp, funny, bittersweet–this book is a must-read from start to finish."
Read more.


You can buy Dorothy Parker Drank Here in paperback at your local bookstore, or order online today.
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Books-A-Million • IndieBound • Target •Walmart







Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Paperback pub day for Dorothy Parker Drank Here!



Good news for paper lovers. Dorothy Parker Drank Here is now available in paperback! You can buy it at your local bookstore, or purchase it online.

Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Books-A-Million • IndieBoundTargetWalmart

It's also available in all ereader and audiobook formats.

Kindle • Nook • iBooks • Kobo • Audible 

If you don't yet have a copy, I hope you'll consider buying it today. Here are some review snippets ...

"Meister's Dorothy Parker is just as sharp, witty and pleasantly mean as fans would expect. Her humanity shines through, though, along with her humor ... a surprisingly emotional novel. Not even death can keep Dorothy Parker down in this sad and funny story."  -Kirkus Reviews

"[Meister] does a lovely job of imagining the voice of Dorothy Parker with equal parts wit, heartbreak, and practicality." - Booklist

"Hilarious ... and liberally sprinkled with Parker’s signature acerbic humor." - Publishers Weekly

"A quick, charming read that will delight Parker fans and stoke the curiosity of those unfamiliar with her great wit." - Library Journal

"The writing is stellar, making it difficult to put the book down." - RT Book Reviews

"Between the martinis and the bon mots, there's bite and charm in [Dorothy Parker Drank Here], which conjures the spirit of the titular literary wit." - Closer Magazine

"It’s a great comic complement to novels like THE PARIS WIFE and LOVING FRANK, and if you’re not a fan of Parker’s or Meister’s already, you soon will be." - Book Reporter

"Dorothy Parker Drank Here is a wild ride, pairing the well-researched wit of Dorothy Parker with a contemporary story of success and failure, romance and family. Meister's brilliant interpretation of Parker's ghost in the modern world keeps the novel from ever veering into the land of cliché as she brings to life--or rather, brings to ghostliness--the spirit of one of the most famous writers of the Algonquin Round Table." - Shelf Awareness

"This well-written story rolls right along after drawing you in at page one. Meister has a flare for the quips for which Dorothy Parker was so famous, making the reader feel as if the venerable Mrs. Parker has sprung back to life, never to leave us again."  - Dish Magazine

"Classic wit, sparkling zingers and rapid-fire one-liners ... park reality at the door and let this book sweep you up into a nostalgic tale punctuated with contemporary themes."  - Lincoln Journal Star  

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Query Workshop!

"Ellen Meister is one of the few people in the business who really understands how to craft a query letter that will hook an agent. She helped me hone mine and I know she can help you with yours. I think you'll find her program invaluable." - Lisa McMann, NYT bestselling author.


Consider this an announcement for my writer friends. You may know that I've been a creative writing instructor for several years. But I've been helping writers hone their query letters for even longer. It's the nexus of my background in marketing and my writing experiences. And of course, I'm quite proud that I was able to help Lisa McMann, who went on to become a New York Times bestselling author. Her query letter was even featured by Writer's Digest as an example of a successful query.

I've teamed up with the folks at WordTango to create a Weekend Query Workshop, where I'll be posting my best tips and insights. I have so much to share with you! So if you have a novel and no literary agent, please consider taking this workshop. I know you'll get a lot out of it!

The only catch is that registration is limited. So if you're interested, please sign up right away. You can even purchase a private critique of your query.

Click here for more information on my WordTango Weekend Query Workshop, Dec. 4 - 6.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Book Giveaway!


My publisher is giving away TWENTY signed copies of Farewell, Dorothy Parker, over on Goodreads. Feel free to enter even if you already own one--the holidays are coming up and you can give it as a gift.

ENTER NOW.

Thanks!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Another chance to win an autographed book!

I'm doing another giveaway! Sign up for my mailing list today and you could win a signed copy of Dorothy Parker Drank Here. Just be sure you click through when you get the confirmation email. (Note: I sent out only occasional emails, and you can opt-out at any time.)


Sign up today for Ellen's email list!
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Wednesday, May 06, 2015

"A Wild Ride"


"Dorothy Parker Drank Here is a wild ride, pairing the well-researched wit of Dorothy Parker with a contemporary story of success and failure, romance and family. Meister's brilliant interpretation of Parker's ghost in the modern world keeps the novel from ever veering into the land of cliché as she brings to life--or rather, brings to ghostliness--the spirit of one of the most famous writers of the Algonquin Round Table."
- Shelf Awareness


Would you like a signed copy of Dorothy Parker Drank Here?

Great news! I teamed up with my local independent bookstore, Book Revue, to offer signed, personalized copies of Dorothy Parker Drank Here. And they ship anywhere in the world! Just give them a call at 631-271-1442. Or use this form and someone from Book Revue will call to get your information.

Dorothy Parker Drank Here is also available from all of the usual places, and is in hardcover as well as all ereader formats.

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Books-A-Million | IndieBound | Powell's | iBooks

"Meister's Dorothy Parker is just as sharp, witty and pleasantly mean as fans would expect. Her humanity shines through, though, along with her humor ... a surprisingly emotional novel. Not even death can keep Dorothy Parker down in this sad and funny story."
-Kirkus Reviews

"[Meister] does a lovely job of imagining the voice of Dorothy Parker with equal parts wit, heartbreak, and practicality."
- Booklist

"Hilarious ... and liberally sprinkled with Parker’s signature acerbic humor."
- Publishers Weekly

"A quick, charming read that will delight Parker fans and stoke the curiosity of those unfamiliar with her great wit."
- Library Journal

"The writing is stellar, making it difficult to put the book down."
- RT Book Reviews

"Between the martinis and the bon mots, there's bite and charm in [Dorothy Parker Drank Here], which conjures the spirit of the titular literary wit."
- Closer Magazine

"It’s a great comic complement to novels like THE PARIS WIFE and LOVING FRANK, and if you’re not a fan of Parker’s or Meister’s already, you soon will be."
- Book Reporter

"This well-written story rolls right along after drawing you in at page one. Meister has a flare for the quips for which Dorothy Parker was so famous, making the reader feel as if the venerable Mrs. Parker has sprung back to life, never to leave us again."
- Dish Magazine

Saturday, February 21, 2015

You Don't Have to Be Dorothy Parker to Outsmart Facebook

Yesterday I had the honor of guest blogging over at Writers on the Storm, and gave some tips on finagling Facebook's dastardly delivery algorithm. Check it out.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Skype Interview

Big thanks to J.J. Murphy, author of the Algonquin Round Table Mysteries, for interviewing me about Dorothy Parker Drank Here ...




FYI, everyone who pre-orders is eligible for a special giveaway from my publisher. But hurry--offer ends on 2/17. Click here for info.

Saturday, February 07, 2015

Last chance to request a free bookplate!

For a limited time, I'm offering free signed bookplates to anyone who pre-orders Dorothy Parker Drank Here from any store, including  AmazonBarnes & NobleBooks-A-Million, IndieBoundPowell's or your local bookseller. Simply purchase the book and then fill out this form to request a signed, personalized bookplate. I'll mail it right to your house. (FYI, these bookplates are self-adhesive and can go right into the front of your book.)

Click this form to request a free bookplate. Offer ends 2/8/15.

Friday, January 30, 2015

3 Ways to Get a Signed Copy of Dorothy Parker Drank Here

If you would like a signed copy of Dorothy Parker Drank Here, there are three possible ways to do it.

1. In person
Attend one of my events. Click here to see the schedule.

2. Request a free bookplate
For a limited time, I'm offering free signed bookplates to anyone who pre-orders Dorothy Parker Drank Here from any store, including your local bookseller or AmazonBarnes & NobleBooks-A-Million, IndieBound, or Powell's. Simply purchase the book and then fill out this form to request a signed, personalized bookplate. I'll mail it right to your house. (FYI, these bookplates are self-adhesive and can go right into the front of your book.)

3. Order from Book Revue, Huntington, NY 
Call Book Revue at (631) 271-1442 and ask to be put on the Signature Request Log for my 2/27 event. You'll pay Book Revue for the cost of the book plus shipping and handling, and they will mail it directly to your address.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Incomplete Dorothy Parker Reading Guide

Click here to readthe Kirkus Review
If your loved ones were thoughtful enough to give you bookstore gift cards this Christmas/Hanukkah/secular holiday, you may be thinking of expanding your Dorothy Parker library. Naturally, I hope that includes pre-ordering my new novel,  Dorothy Parker Drank Here (available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and IndieBound) or catching up on my last one, Farewell, Dorothy Parker (signed copies still available). But I'd like to present a non-comprehensive to guide to other books you should consider.


DOROTHY HERSELF
If you don't yet have a copy of The Portable Dorothy Parker, don't waste another second. This is a must-have collection of her poetry, stories, essays and reviews.
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Books-A-Million • IndieBound

BIOGRAPHY
Marion Meade's fascinating Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell is This is simply the best and most complete account of the great wit's life.
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Books-A-Million • IndieBound

This year Meade also published two short ebooks that are must-reads for the true Dorothy Parker fan. They are The Last Days of Dorothy Parker: The Extraordinary Lives of Dorothy Parker and Lillian Hellman and How Death Can Be Hell on Friendship and Alpine Giggle Week: How Dorothy Parker Set Out to Write the Great American Novel and Ended Up in a TB Colony Atop an Alpine Peak.

DRINKING
If no one thought to give you a copy of Under the Table: A Dorothy Parker Cocktail Guide as  gift,
buy it for yourself. It's a smart and charming edition by Dorothy Parker Society president Kevin Fitzpatrick.
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Books-A-Million • IndieBound

MORE FROM THE DOROTHY PARKER SOCIETY
Parker expert Kevin Fitzpatrick also wrote the entertaining and info-packed A Journey Into Dorothy Parker's New York and compiled her theater reviews into Dorothy Parker: Complete Broadway, 1918-1923. His forthcoming The Algonquin Round Table New York: A Historical Guide also looks like a winner.

MYSTERY
Author J.J. Murphy wrote a beloved Algonquin Round Table Mystery series in which Dorothy Parker is a prominent figure.
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Books-A-Million • IndieBound

Of course, there are dozens more, including many Algonquin Round Table themed books. Please feel free to share your favorites in the comments.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

Kirkus!

Love from Kirkus Reviews? I think this calls for a martini. Maybe two!



The ghost of Dorothy Parker meddles with the lives of mortals in this sequel from Meister (Farewell, Dorothy Parker, 2013). 
In the heyday of her career, Parker signed a guestbook that promised eternity. Against all odds, the claim turned out to be true, and now she haunts the famed Algonquin, greeting her friends after their deaths. They all go on to the afterlife, but not Dorothy. She’d much rather stay right there at the bar—but things are starting to get lonely. That’s where Ted Shriver comes in. A writer whose career plummeted after a plagiarism scandal, Ted is now dying of a brain tumor. If only Dorothy can convince him to sign the guestbook, she might just have some company. But things get a bit more complicated than she imagined. Norah Wolfe, an associate producer for a struggling television show, has her own reasons for wanting to talk to Ted. Neither of them will be able to get through to him unless they can help him tie up some loose ends…and maybe clear his name in the process. Meister’s Dorothy Parker is just as sharp, witty and pleasantly mean as fans would expect. Her humanity shines through, though, along with her humor. Her obvious loneliness, along with the dilemmas Ted and Norah face, make this a surprisingly emotional novel. 
Not even death can keep Dorothy Parker down in this sad and funny story.