Meanwhile, I'm going to treat my own book to the Hollywood theme I've been doing for the others. So here goes ...
If I had ten seconds to pitch my book to a Hollywood producer, I'd say:
Three suburban housewives conspire to get a George Clooney movie filmed in their town.
And here's who I'd cast:
As Maddie, the emotionally-needy ex-lawyer, I'd cast Amanda Peet. I need someone who can do physical comedy and also be touching. Besides, she's adorable, isn't she?
For Bruce, Maddie's chiropractor husband, I think Jeremy Piven would be a great choice. He'd be able to pull off the layers, including the coldness Maddie reacts to and the love beneath she tends to miss.
For Dr. Jack Rose, Maddie's old college friend who tries to seduce her, I'd cast Josh Lucas, just because he looks exactly as I pictured this character.
Ruth Moss, my brash and bosomy protag, is the hardest to cast. Bette Midler would have been perfect but, as much as I love her, she's a little long in the tooth for this character. And practically everyone else in Hollywood weighs about 87 pounds, which wouldn't work at all for Ruth. My husband thinks Megan Mullaly would be perfect. I think Virginia Madsen or Joely Fisher might be a good choice.
Keith, Ruth's brain-damaged husband who makes inappropriate sexual remarks to every woman he sees, could be a great fun role. I'd love to see Paul Giamatti or Steve Carrell do this. Can you imagine? Either of these guys would steal the show.
For modest and timid Lisa Slotnick, who suffers a relationship with an alcoholic mother, Laura Linney would be perfect.
Maddie's sarcastic friend Beryl could be played by Janeane Garofalo or Rosie O'Donnell.
And last, but most definitely not least, a certain someone who has still not called to thank me for the signed book I sent him, could do a cameo as himself.And now, of course, I have to give myself the same sales pitch I gave everyone else ...
To see if these actors match your perception of the characters, visit your local bookstore today and pick up a copy of SECRET CONFESSIONS OF THE APPLEWOOD PTA. Or, use one of the links to the right (under profile) to order online.
As Cherry Winters, the girls’ leader whose tough veneer masks a heartbreaking vulnerability, I would cast Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay has played the America’s sweetheart long enough, and she’s not fooling anyone. Now, it is time for her to show what she’s really made of and take a role where she can be the badass that she is.
For Rennie Taylor, the wide-eyed, vulnerable, and brainy beauty who falls into a relationship with her high school teacher, I would cast Christina Ricci. When you look at Christina, there’s a certain mystery behind her. She is absolutely mesmerizing. Also, she could pull off a role like Rennie’s which requires a tiny, girl-like build.
I think Rob Schafer, Rennie’s high school teacher, would be ideally cast as Sean Penn. That’s because Sean has that sinister sexuality which is irresistible. You could just imagine him in this Big Bad Wolf kind of a role. Also, he lives near me, so if he was in my movie, maybe I could take him to lunch and we could hang out.
Then there’s Puck, the young, vain “literati” author, much younger than the adult Rennie, with whom she embarks on a mad, cocaine-laced relationship. For Puck, I would cast Cody Linley. OK, he is only 17 and I would be accused of cradle-robbing. But, Rennie felt like she was cradle-robbing when she was sleeping with him, so it kind of fits. Besides, he would be 18 by the time the movie was filmed and so he’d be able to do the sex scenes.
