Meet Helene Sherman, sculptor

My friend Helene is such a multi-talented artist that she just knocks me off my chair. She started sculpting a few years ago and people are falling in love with her work. Can you blame them? The beautiful piece above is called "Daydream." To see more, click here: Helene K. Sherman

I've been tagged!

My very dear and talented friend Myfanwy Collins has challenged me to write 10 interesting facts about myself. Yikes. I have to dig pretty deep beyond my everyday life of driving carpools and shopping at Target to come up with such a list, but here goes ...



1. I once had Chinese food in Marvin Hamlisch's apartment.
Long story short is that I met Marvin and his live-in girlfiend at the time--a very young Emma Samms--through a relative. Emma and I became fast friends and we sometimes got together at their apartment.


2. I was born with a hemangioma on my left ear and had it surgically removed when I was 5 years old.
Not sure that qualifies as interesting. Would it help to know my mother fainted when she saw me come out of surgery with my head wrapped in bandages?

3. I can faint from even thinking about medical procedures.
Indeed, I passed out the first time I put in contact lenses. Per number 2, I think this is a genetic condition.

4. I've had hypnosis therapy for my fear of needles.
It worked pretty well but, per number 3, don't tell me about your root canal in graphic detail, okay?

5. I have never once made love outdoors.
That one's kind of sad, isn't it?

6. During my third pregnancy, my heartrate went up to 240 beats per minute.
Scary. They never figured out the cause, and did all sorts of terrible tests on me, including things I feared would hurt the baby. I recovered, and the baby is now a healthy 8-year-old girl, albeit with allergies. Could the tests be the culprit in that? I'll probably never know.

7. When I was a teenager, my friends and I sneaked into a Broadway rehearsal for the Monty Python show, and wound up going out for beers with Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam.
My girlfriends and I had soft drinks, of course. I guess we were pretty gutsy kids (and devoted fans) to sneak in like that.

8. I once lived on Abbey Road in London.
Yeah, that Abbey Road. I was a college student and spent a year studying abroad.


9. My grandfather made the famous Radio City Music Hall sign.
He was in the neon sign business in those days. Poppy was a pretty taciturn guy, and we had exactly one conversation about it. Me: I heard you made the Radio City Music Hall sign. Poppy: That job was a bitch.

10. I can get my legs into the lotus position without using my hands.
People seem to be impressed by this. Men, especially.


I know I'm supposed to just tag one person, but I have a couple of brilliant and fascinating blogger friends whose answers I'm just dying to see, so I'm going to cheat. Ready? Jordan Rosenfeld, Robin Slick, Melanie Lynne Hauser, and Susan Henderson ... you're IT!

Meet Laurie Stolarz!

Teen thriller fiction. Did you know such a thing existed? I didn't. If I had, I would have found (and bought) this incredible series from Laurie Stolarz when I was combing the bookstore shelves for Chanukah gifts for my kids.

But better late than never. I've decided I'm going to get these even though the holidays are past. My kids are readers, and I think the older two are going to devour these.

My thirteen-year-old--who usually reads only nonfiction--is deep into The Shining right now, and I've been eager to find more books to ride his current wave of interest in things magical and creepy.

My eleven-year-old loves nothing more than getting attached to a really good series, and I think this will capture him with its magic. Check out this review I found, written by a kid his own age:
Blue is for Nightmares

Great, huh? I think I'll be making a trip to Border's today.

For more information on Laurie Stolarz and these great teen books, check out her website: lauriestolarz.com

Galley pages!

Hurrah! My galley pages have arrived! I'm so out-of-my-mind excited that I'm going to be a total doofus and show you pictures. Here they are:










Don't I look so mellow in this picture? Totally staged, believe me. I was weeping like an idiot when I opened the package from my publisher and got my first glimpse of how my book is going to look.

Oh, happy day!

Oh, and did I mention there's SEX?

My amazon rankings are about to drop into the millions, so I thought it was a good time to bring it up.
Secret Confessions of the Applewood PTA

Meet Sheila Curran!

Friends, I’m excited! I’ve been asked to join a group of women writers who have started a cyber circuit to promote each other’s published books. I was introduced to the group by Melanie Lynne Hauser (author of Confessions of Super Mom), who my husband says is the Midwestern version of me, though I’m pretty sure her husband would say I’m the East Coast version of her. In any case, Melanie is smart and talented and funny as all hell, and I’m honored to be compared to her in any way.

But today I’m not here to talk to you about Melanie, but about Sheila Curran, the first author in the Girlfriends' Cyber Circuit I’m pimping for. And I’m stoked, because I’ve checked out Sheila’s website and her book, Diana Lively is Falling Down, looks so simultaneously hilarious and touching that I can’t wait to get my greedy little hands on it. (I’ve already ordered mine from Amazon. If you want to do the same, click here.) If I was just a little bit more narcissistic, I'd say she's the British version of me, but I'm not so I won't.

Anyway, if I could get reviews half as good as Sheila's I'd die happy. Read these and see what I mean:








Not yet convinced? Then take a tour of Sheila's cool website, which includes an excerpt:
SheilaCurran.com

I think you'll want to pick up Diana Lively is Falling Down. (Okay so shoot me. Once a copywriter ...)

It wishes with the whole until the healthful, lucky New Year and the allegro!

Makes not the sense to you that title?

There's this funny little site called Lost In Translation that translates phrases back and forth between English and five or more different languages. The results can be hilarious.


Original English Text:
Wishing everyone a healthy, happy and joyous New Year!

Translated to French:
Souhaitant à chacun par nouvelle année saine, heureuse et joyeuse !


Translated back to English:
Wishing with each one by new healthy, happy and merry year!


Translated to German:
Wunsch mit jedem bis zum neuem gesundem, glücklichem und fröhlichem Jahr!


Translated back to English:
Desire with everyone up to the new healthy, lucky and merry year!


Translated to Italian:
Voglia con tutto fino al nuovo anno sano, fortunato ed allegro!


Translated back to English:
It wants with all until the new healthy, fortunate year and allegro!


Translated to Portuguese:
Quer com o tudo até o ano novo e o allegro saudáveis, afortunados!


Translated back to English:
It wants with the everything until the healthful, fortunate new year and allegro!


Translated to Spanish:
¡Desea con el todo hasta el Año Nuevo y el allegro saludables, afortunados!


Translated back to English:
It wishes with the whole until the healthful, lucky New Year and the allegro!

Which celebrity do you resemble?

I look like Scarlett Johanssen and Brigitte Bardot? Ha!

Many thanks to my funny and talented friend, Robin Slick, for pointing me in the direction of this entertaining site:

My Hertiage Face Recognition
(Go the site and click on "try another photo" to upload your own and see who you look like!)

I am a Scorpio, My Lover is a Cancer

To see if you and your lover match up as well as me and my darling, check out Astrology Zone.

Here's what it says about my marriage:

Are you in love with a Cancer? Then you have chosen one of your best possible matches. This pairing gets a "10!" Your Cancer is as deeply emotional and empathetic as you are, and together you will develop a rich, intimate life unequalled by any other sign match (except for Pisces and Scorpio). Both of you have your moods, but you allow that in one another, and view the changing emotional landscape as interesting and adding texture to your life. Cancer is a water sign like you, and your lover understands the need for strong, intuitive bonding. Of the two, you are the more inflexible, but Cancer's ability to flow with changing events will be an asset to you.

Sex together will be outstanding. Cancers want a family, and Scorpio rules procreation, so this could well be a very fruitful union. Cancer also rules nurturing, so you will have the kind of home life you always dreamed of.

Now a word of warning: Scorpios want one great love in their lifetime, so if they marry the wrong person due to pressures and circumstances, the results can be disastrous. Prince Charles is a Scorpio and was married to Princess Diana, who was a Cancer. But his true love was the other Cancer -- Camilla. So here you see a Cancer-Scorpio pair that did not last. The moral, Scorpio, is to be sure that you marry your one true love. Even compatible Sun signs can't override that rule!

A Cancer in love, whether in the beginning or after years of life together, offers food as an expression of love. So cook together, feed one another, make love in the kitchen. Have fun! You've got lots to look forward to, Scorpio. Don't let this one get away!

Fern Meyerowitz

Today is Fern’s birthday. She would have been 47 years old.

We met in college. My cousin Cindy introduced us. She had told me she met this amazing girl during orientation, and knew we would be best friends. I was skeptical, of course. I barely knew myself at that point, and had a hard time believing Cindy could pick a stranger from a crowd and know I would love her.

It took exactly one meeting for Fern and I to figure out that Cindy was right. Within minutes, we had collapsed into one another in laughter and become best friends. It took twenty-five years for fate to tear us apart.

We had a big, messy, complicated friendship all those years. Fern could be as demanding as she was funny, as stubborn as she was charming. But she changed me forever. And while she wasn’t always the easiest person to be friends with, she was fiercely loyal, and I never knew a friend could love me so much or believe in me or deeply. Some people said Fern had magic, and I think they were right.

When I got the news that Fern had non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I was confident she could beat it, as I couldn’t imagine there was any force on Earth stronger than her. But I was wrong. And in summer 2002, Fern was gone.

I still think about Fern a lot, and sometimes I consider trying to write about her—I mean really write about her. So far, though, I either haven’t enough talent or enough distance to capture her spirit on paper. The closest I’ve come is to write about my grief, which I did in a Flashquake piece called “How to Say Good-Bye to Fern.”

When we first met, Fern and I thought we were mirror images of one another. But over the years we came to learn that we were as different as we were alike. Take spirituality, for example. Fern was a believer. I remain a skeptic. So even though she trusted in reincarnation with all her heart, I’m still not so sure. I do know, though, that if anyone could find a way to make sure their spirit sticks around, it would be Fern.

So my darling friend, if you’re out there somewhere, Happy Birthday. I miss you so very much.



1/26/07 - EDITED TO ADD:

Dear Visitor,
My site meter shows that people sometimes find their way to this blog because they typed Fern's name into a search engine. This makes me smile, because I know it would mean so much to Fern to know she's still thought about. If you'd like, feel free to treat this blog post as an ongoing memorial. You can share a comment about Fern--some memory or just a note on how you met or what she meant to you--by clicking on "comments," below.

For updated posts, click the blog title at the top of this page"The Raving"

A Mother's Chilling Post-Holiday Tale




By Ellen Meister
(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

Once upon an evening dreary, while I toiled, weak and weary
Over many a desperate dirty dishrag and forgotten chore,
While I leaned down limply lugging toys from off the carpet rugging
Suddenly there came a tugging, tugging at the skirt I wore.
"'Tis some little kid," I muttered, smoothing out the skirt I wore,
"Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
Action dolls not yet dismembered lay across the playroom floor.
Each new toy was still unbroken, yet the child still was pokin'
And the only word there spoken was the whining more, "S'more."
This he whispered then his sister murmured back the word, "S'more."
Only this they did implore.

Then the silly, sad, incessant clangor of the season's presents
Chilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating,
"Darling children, I am pleading, let's return some to the store--
Darling children, I'm entreating, let us give some to the poor."
Still they said, "We want s'more."

"You still want more?" I blurted feeling slightly dizzy, my head reeling,
"Get thee back into the playroom where your playthings line the floor!
Go before I need to yank you! Go before I want to spank you!
Leave my kitchen and I'll thank you not to ask for any more.
Take thy sighs from out my sight and thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the child, "I want more."

And the child, so demanding, still is standing, still is standing
Near a portion of my pantry just beside the kitchen door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming
Sights of toys and trinkets gleaming on the shelves of every store.
Unaffected with respect to his demands for even more,
Quoth I, the mother, "Never more!"

* * *

This poem first appeared in Light Quarterly

A Beginner's Guide to Hanukkah

Jonathan Safran Foer had a hilarious piece on the op-ed page of The New York Times today. You can read it here.

(Tip: If the link appears too small to read, click on the lower right hand corner of the image to enlarge.)

2005 was the year that I ...

In the face of the horrific global disasters this year brought, I feel a little guilty listing my personal triumphs. But it was a good year for me indeed, and I'm thankful for that. And anyway, without guilt I am nothing.

So here's the way I finish the sentence, "2005 was the year that I ..."

* Saw my oldest son--the boy I once feared would never speak--become a Bar Mitzvah and read from the torah to a weeping congregation of friends and relatives

* Had a party celebrating the sale of my first novel

* Sold my second novel

* Got a new laptop

* Bought a new minivan

* Celebrated my grandmother's 95th birthday with her

* Started a blog

* Lost my best friend to mental illness; got her back again


Thanks for checking in. Wishing you joy and peace and beautiful things for the New Year!

The inscrutability of Google

One of the interesting things about having a site meter attached to this blog is that I can see how someone found their way here. For instance, if they went through a search engine, I can see the actual word or phrase they used.

Sometimes this gets nauseating, as the pornographic search phrases people come up with are beyond my understanding of human sexuality. But other times it's just perplexing. For instance, if you Google "December Horoscopes," you will get 44,800 hits, and my dinky little blog comes up at number 5. I did indeed post an entry with that title. But why is my blog higher than so many hundreds of dedicated Zodiac sites?

I wonder how many Google hits I'd get if I titled an entry "Great American Novel"? Probably not as many as if I used "desperate housewife amputees with naked barnyard friends."

ABC Hires Jew-Hater Mel Gibson to Produce Mini-Series on Holocaust

From The New York Times:
...Quinn Taylor, ABC's senior vice president in charge of movies for television, acknowledged that the attention-getting value of having Mr. Gibson attached to a Holocaust project was a factor.

"Controversy's publicity, and vice versa," Mr. Taylor said.
Read more here.


What's next? A biopic on Menachem Schneerson by Louis Farrakhan?

It pleases me!

I was recently thrilled and flattered to be contacted by fellow writer Thea Atkinson, who teaches a class on flash fiction and wanted to use a story I wrote for discussion with her students. The story is called "Does it Please You?," and it appeared in SmokeLong Quarterly, one of my favorite ezines. For you flash writers out there, it's great place to be seen. Submit!

Eva and my book jacket

The girl on my cover might have my hair, but she's got Eva Longoria's face, don't you think?

December Horoscopes

You got to love a horoscope that starts out like this:

This may turn out to be the most joyous holiday you've had in recent memory. With Jupiter, the planet of happiness and good fortune, now in Scorpio for a year - a placement it began to occupy in late October - you have suddenly become the cosmic favorite. Opportunities for greater love, better health, and substantial job opportunities will all be yours. This month, thanks to the new moon that's set to arrive December 1, good news about your salary should come through, too.

Alas, it also says I'm going to get hit with a whopping bill this month. Oh well.

This is from Astrology Zone, the same place I linked last month. Read yours here.

Me and my book jacket

Coincidence? Or did someone show the illustrator a picture of my hairdo? I've never met the artist or the designer, so I honestly don't know. But I suspect it's just happenstance.

Weird, though. Nearly creepy.

200 Pages!

I've been toiling away at my second novel, THE SMART ONE, and today I hit the halfway mark. Hooray! I think I'll take myself out to lunch.

I'll bring pages to edit, of course.